Part 1: Chapter 10- Where Everyone Involved Could Have Done Things Differently

Then there was the culminating event, the Pre-K Moving Up Day Ceremony. Sigh.....more anxiety and overwhelming fears. I planned and prepared well to make sure that the room and catering were ready for the day (I've noticed, that is always about the food, not about the purpose of the classroom and authentic experiences. I am not really into food or eating so this popped up into my head right away).

I also had to make sure that the children knew exactly what they needed to do;

• sit in the chairs and practice their songs. 
• However, I was unaware that I had to make a speech in front of everyone. As I have mentioned, I happen to be very shy and I froze in front of everyone as soon after the children marched into the classroom. All I remember was blacking out and trying to figure out what came next. Carla happened to have been in the classroom that day, noticed what was happening and came over to me and whispered what I had to do next in order to move it along. Needless to say, I was not very happy and felt very bad by the end of the day. Of course I communicated my concerns with  Carla and her response was:

[SIC]Jun 22 2009
keep shining..keep smiling..you will improve each and every year...don't give up..relax....have a great summer vacation [SIC]

This will be a good time to bring to the readers attention that I have a neurological disability. This situation where I froze in public and was not expected or planned on making a speech is connected to my neurological disability. At the time, I was not completely aware of how my disability affects my life around me but now that I am aware of it, I have taken all aspects of my life into consideration so I know how to advocate and act appropriately and make adjustments in life.

I am sure readers are also wondering if Principal Annie or anyone in school knew about my neurological disability and the answer is no. First of all, I have to mention that individuals with disabilities DO NOT have to disclose their disabilities to any employer. Second, even if Annie knew about my disability, I am not really sure it would have made a difference in how the situation turned out. She basically didnt like me or my teaching style. Annie would have continued to do what she had to do.  Also, there is another teacher in the school who also has a neurological condition and had excessive absences as a result of her disability. When condition became serious that required immediate attention, instead of handling it appropriately, Annie made the problem worse by having harassing the teacher and sending letters to file about the absences. Anyone who is familiar with ANY neurological condition will know that stress excarebates symptoms. The situation did not have to become the way it was handled if all were taken into accounts. But of course it was not; the DOE motto seems to be 'divide and conquer to separate colleagues from one another'.

A week later, I get my rating sheet and I receive a "D' rating. What could it have been? Was it the pre-k moving up day ceremony? Was it the way I taught young children literacy by  writing their letters in the air? Was it because I have a progressive style to my teaching that did not fit in the school's vision? Many people are probably wondering at this time if I approached Carla or Annie about this.  Unfortunately I did not and I have  no good reason as to why I did not. Since my mentor and I had a positive relationship, it seemed only feasible to have spoken about my qualms with her. Summer was approaching and I was moving forward and getting ready for my summer plans. So school and work were not on my mind to discuss with Carla at that time. Looking back now, it would have been a wise decision but you can only learn from the past. 

Now I must point  out here that each one of us who are involved could have handled things differently in this situation. As much as I am not a fan or care for Principal Annie, she still has a right to her feelings and opinion about me. When it comes to employer/employee relations, both parties are responsible for their actions, whether it was 50/50 or 60/40 or 35/85.  The point of this blog is to  make readers aware that there are multiple perspectives on how to interpret a situation and that there are 3 sides to a story; mine, Annie's and the story in between. 

Me: I already acknowledged that speaking to the principal would have been a wise decision so I knew what was expected of me for the following year so I can work on those goals.  

Annie:  Annie could have at least pulled me into her office and said that this may not be a good fit for me and maybe it is best that I transfer to another school if I leave quietly. This never happened and I attribute this to the fact that I got along really well with Carla (Annie and I have a friend in common, Carla). Besides asking me to transfer or leave, this would have been the time where Annie also could have excessed me or any teacher out of the school because her budget was slashed for the following year. When I eventually leave the school, I was replaced by the reading recovery teacher who was also not happy. 

Carla: After I was gone, Carla had the reputation in the school as a 'bad mentor' who did not do anything to help and support and caused the problem by not showing me what to do.  If anything, she did not cause the problem but extended my stay in the school for an extra 6 weeks. 


Part 1: At The Beginning has not come to an end. Part 2: The Downfall will commence tomorrow!